The Type Of People Who Do Not Deserve To Hear Your Secret Or Shame Story.

Ø  You may want to avoid the friend who hears your story and actually feels shame for you, she gasps and confirms how horrified you should be then there is awkward silence. Then you have to make her feel better.

Ø  The friend who responds with sympathy rather than empathy, I get it I know how you feel and I have been there. Or the incredibly passive aggressive sudden version of sympathy “Bless your hearth”

Ø  The friend who needs you to be the pillar of worthiness and authenticity, she can’t help because she is disappointed in your imperfections because you have let her down.

Ø  The friend who is so uncomfortable with vulnerability and then she scolds how did you let this happen.

Ø  The friend who is all about making it better and out of her own discomfort refuses to acknowledge that you can actually be crazy and make terrible choices; “you are exaggerating the person says, it wasn’t that bad”

Ø  The friend who confuses connection with the opportunity to listen.

When you open yourself up and you are vulnerable enough to share something that has shamed you, you should be looking for that person or friend who loves you not despite your vulnerability and imperfection but because of it. I’m looking for the folks who will show up and walk down through rough part with me and I think it’s important to have at least one of such a person. You can call on that person any day any time and say I’m in a storm of epic proportion and regardless of what the situation is, that person is willing and ready to see you through it. Often times, we steam roll over those kind of people to get the attention and appreciation of the people who would never show up for us like that. Always trying to please or prove yourself to the wrong person. It’s hard to practice compassion when we are struggling with our own authenticity or whether or not our worthiness is off balance and this is why you must share your shame story or secret with people who have earned the right to hear your story. That person has to earn the right to hear your story because it’s an honor to hold space for you when you are in shame. And when you share your shame story with that person that gives you one of this six response and the person comes back a week later to say “I’m sorry I had a lot going on in my own life and I couldn’t just be there for you …that means even more because we can never have the right response for everything at all times.